21 May
And that’s the reason I’m making fun of it every chance I get: to ease my own anxiety. I’m actually terrified all those crazy Christian nutjobs are right and we’re all going to be swallowed up by fire and brimstone. Because Lord knows, I’m not getting Raptured. And I would be seriously pissed if I’ve been wrong this whole time. I do NOT like to be wrong.
But unless Jesus goes for a Hail Mary at the end of the day, I think we’re going to be fine. Now I just have to get through 2012.
3 May
Last night, a pretty epic Beardpocalypse went down when, after weeks of threatening, Will Ferrell shaved off Conan’s beard on his show. After more than a year with his scraggly addition, Conan’s back to the baby-faced self to which most fans are accustomed.
And I have to admit, I’m a little uncomfortable with it.
For some reason, men shaving off their facial hair really freaks me out.
If this guy shaves, I’m going to LOSE it.
Well, I know the reason, actually. When I was 4 or 5 years old, my mom, after years of begging, finally persuaded my dad to shave off his Ned Flanders-style mustache. But when he first came out of the bathroom to show everyone, I started bawling uncontrollably because I didn’t recognize the “mean man who kind of looks like daddy but isn’t and NO THAT’S NOT MY DADDY WHERE IS MY DADDY?!??!!?!”
From that moment, I couldn’t look at my dad without bursting into tears, and he had to regrow the mustache in order to have a somewhat normal relationship with his daughter. He didn’t shave it off again until I was 17.
Apparently, this incident scarred me for life, because I’ve had a weird issue about men changing their facial hair ever since. It doesn’t have to be someone I’m particularly close to: One time a co-worker, who had sported a beard/mustache combo the entire time I worked with him, walked into the office bare-faced. I did a double-take and shrieked “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?!?” at him, in front of everyone. He did not appreciate it.
I thought I’d grown out of it a few months ago when Zach shaved off the tiny bit of goatee remaining on his chin, as I only exclaimed — rather than shrieked — those same words to him. But the Conan incident has me thinking I may never fully recover.
Basically, if you’re a male capable of growing facial hair who might cross paths with me someday, I advise against growing a fu manchu or jackass porn-star-looking mustache. Unless you want me to ask you what’s wrong with your face, you’ll need to sport it for a while.
Squirrel Thoughts 