Squirrel Thoughts

I woke up Saturday morning to an unpleasant email alerting me to “fraudulent activity” regarding my credit card.

Sure enough, some punk got a hold of my info and tried to buy about $500 worth of merchandise from NewEgg.com, which appears to be a tech/gaming site I’ve never heard of because I’m a devout member of the Apple Cult.

The second purchase, which totaled $10, simply appeared on my statement as “Roman Catholic Church.”

Now, I’ve never tried to purchase anything with a stolen credit card, so I’m not familiar with the logic used when one attempts to do such a thing. But it appears the perpetrator figured dropping $500 in someone else’s money on sweet games, like Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare, wouldn’t look quite as suspicious if he also made a donation in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

Or perhaps the guilt of stealing someone else’s credit card kicked in right away, so he did what he thought Jesus would do, but he confused Jesus with some douche who takes other people’s stuff without asking and then gives a tiny bit of it to someone who already has a shit-ton of stuff.

I’m no scripture expert, but I’m pretty sure Jesus would consider stealing someone else’s credit card a real dick move.

asdf

Whatever his reasoning, the jig was up before it really even started, since the company caught him in the act and canceled my card. Sorry, dude, but you won’t be pitting the undead against Venus fly traps or buying your way into heaven on my dime.

asf

A scene from Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare. It’s good to know the plants will be on our side when the Zombie Apocalypse commences. That was keeping me up at night.