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It’s possible the power dynamics in this house have shifted in the toddler’s favor

My husband started a joke in our house where, in response to our toddler shouting “NO!” when he says he wants to do something (as 2-year-olds are wont to do), he replies “Yes! Dads’ rights!” I recently started co-opting this little witicism. 

Today, when I told her that Mommy was hungry and wanted to eat lunch, too, I responded to her inevitable “NO, Mommy!” with “Yes! Moms’ rights!”

Her reply? 

“No! LILY RIGHTS!”

We’ve created a monster. 

Our Exalted Leader, exercising her god-given right to eat chips on the couch. Who am I to stop her? Hey, at least she shared.

Why I march

I march because, while I don’t discredit my own work ethic and determination for my lot in life, I am also a beneficiary of the birth lottery, having arrived in this world on third base, despite never even hitting the ball. I march in support of those who have to work so much harder just to get to on a level playing field. 

I march because despite my hard work, I’ve still been humiliated at the office by a good ol’ boy co-worker who didn’t think twice about patting me on the ass in front my colleagues.

I march because I advise college women who confide in me when they’ve been sexually assaulted, by men who still don’t understand that women’s bodies are not theirs for the taking. 

I march because though my daughter is smart, energetic, curious and caring, society still values her most for how she looks. 

I march because if I ever have a son, I never want him to feel that he has to hide his emotions behind a mask, for fear that revealing this typically “feminine” trait will mean he is less of a man. I march because I want him — and society — to know that he is just as deserving of emotional richness as any woman is.

I march to honor the trailblazers who laid the groundwork for equality, and I march because we still have miles to go before it is achieved. 

So we will march those miles. 

Together.

Unhappy with ‘the media’? Then support real, good journalism

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Image courtesy of a news publication to which I subscribe.

Are you fed up with “the media” and all its liberal/conservative/insert-negative-adjective-based-on-your-personal-worldview bias? Are you utterly disturbed that Donald Trump may well be our next president because of people like this profiting off “fake news” sites? Or are you relieved Hillary wasn’t elected despite a constant barrage of “media bias in her favor”?

Then do something about it. Instead of simply complaining about “the media,” support real, good journalism, which is a cornerstone of any successful democracy.  Here are just a few suggestions on how to do that:

-Support a local newspaper or media organization, not just national orgs like NYT or WaPo, through a subscription. (After all, all national stories start out as local stories somewhere.)

-Be a responsible consumer/sharer. Always, ALWAYS check the sources of the story (both the website itself, and the people/organizations to which information in the story is attributed) before plastering it all over social media. If it’s not real, good journalism, don’t share it.

-Be aware of your own confirmation bias and question it whenever possible. Just because you don’t like a fact doesn’t mean it’s not true, and just because you agree with someone’s opinion doesn’t mean it’s a fact. I personally avoid sites like HuffPo because I know they have a liberal bent, and I would be tempted to just agree with what they publish without questioning it. It can be hard, but try not to only consume content that reaffirms your existing beliefs.

-Make consuming investigative journalism a priority. It takes longer than skimming a newsletter or Twitter or watching a two-minute segment on CNN, but you’ll have a much more nuanced understanding of the issue.

-In that same vein, I personally also avoid 24-hour cable news all together. The need to fill airtime, along with the use of soundbites and the constant punditry, is a disservice to journalism and the people it’s supposed to serve.

That’s just a handful of suggestions I came up with off the top of my head after a friend asked me on Facebook. I’m sure other journalists have more, and I certainly welcome those suggestions.

Because here’s the thing. Journalists, like you, are people doing their jobs. Also like you, they expect, and deserve, to be paid for doing that job. But when people consuming the service they provide expect to get that service for free instead of paying for a subscription, or use online ad blockers, or claim to be interested in investigative stories and “good” news, but actually only click on fluff and “bad” news instead, it stifles the sources of revenue needed to pay  journalists to do their jobs — and to do their jobs well. When revenues decline, the higher-ups employing these journalists order layoffs to keep the company somewhat profitable. The survivors are then expected to do more good journalism with fewer resources. This, of course, is a logical fallacy, so the quality of work produced by the organization declines, and even fewer consumers are likely to pay for what they perceive to be a sub-par service.

I’m sure you can see how this story ends.

You have the power to change that ending though. Support real, good journalism. Clearly, our democracy needs it more than ever.

I will choose love

My heart felt so heavy today. I cried. A lot. But, when it comes down to it, my white, middle-class, privileged family will likely not bear the burden of this election’s outcome, not like others will. My heart aches for them, and I currently fear for what our country’s future may hold.

But I will not let fear win. I will choose love. I will choose love, even for those who supported him, because I want to believe they made the choice they did because they were also hurting in some way, and sought to feel validated and heard. 

I will choose love because that is the only way I can raise this feisty little girl to treat others with kindness, compassion and respect, no matter their race, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, political views, intelligence, socioeconomic status, education level, physical ability, or the millions of other qualities that make America so robustly diverse. 

I will choose love by treating others that way myself. I will choose love because I have succumbed to the fear in the past, and it was a pretty shitty way to exist. I will choose love because the world I want my daughter to grow up in chooses love, even in the face of fear. I will choose love.

Dear people who were parents before I was a parent: I’m sorry

 

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Confession time: Before Lily was born, I was a bit judgey toward people with kids who seemed to not always have their shit together 100 percent of the time. Not out loud, necessarily, but I’m sure they could see the judgey look on my judgey little face.

I remember smugly thinking to myself “I’m soooooo glad I am sooooooo god-damn perfect and have sooooo many good habits now, like making home-cooked, certified-organic-and-GMO-free-artisanal meals and exercising 800 times a week and getting 20 hours of sleep a night, which I will obviously keep doing even after I have kids, who will also be perfect and never melt down in the middle of the grocery store because I wouldn’t let them climb the paper towel display! I AM JUST SOOOOO AMAZING AND WILL NEVER NOT HAVE MY SHIT TOGETHER!!!”

Well, ladies and gentlemen,  you heard it here first: I do not, in fact, have my shit together. I recently introduced myself (Allison) as “Lily” and my daughter (Lily) as “Allison.” Last week, I took my toddler to the park with her shoes on the wrong feet, and she noticed before I did. Yesterday, I ate an entire can of olives for lunch. Because I was hungry and tired and, well, they were there.

Here’s the thing. When you become a parent, every last cell in your brain is in some way devoted to making sure you keep your adorable offspring fed and diapered and otherwise alive. Couple that with severe sleep deprivation (which may ease up after the first few months but never really goes away), and what little is left of your “mom brain” is put toward only the most essential tasks, like guzzling coffee in the morning. And, if you’re lucky, not forgetting to brush your teeth afterward.

Other seemingly reasonable tasks — such as responding to a text the same week your friend sent it, remembering to fold laundry within seven days of putting it in the dryer, not getting yogurt on your pants, not remembering you got yogurt on your pants and wearing them again the next day, blogging more than once or twice a year, not wearing your shirt inside out, or knowing the name of that one actor, you know, the one who was in that one movie with that lady from that one show? He has hair and eyes and a mouth, probably? — are relegated to the back burner.

Having been a parent for a year and half now, I understand this. But before, I was Ms. Judgey McJudgerson and basically thought moms and dads just used parenting as a lame excuse for not having their shit together. And for that, I apologize. I now know that we’re all just doing the best we can, and we should give each other — and ourselves — a break.

And, if I could go back in time, rest assured that I would slap that smug, self-righteous look right off my smug, self-righteous face.

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