Archive for the ‘Politics/Society/Seriouser Stuff’ Category

22 Jan

Skinny chicks are women, too

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Politics/Society/Seriouser Stuff.

By now, everyone on Facebook has seen at least one friend repost some variation of the following meme.

Aside from its blatant disrespect for proper punctuation use, I have another problem with this meme, as well as pages like this one, which nearly 2 million people on the ‘Book like. And that’s the message that they send.

Now a few of those women on the top row are probably too thin to be considered healthy. (And no one can have as much plastic surgery as Heidi Montag and be considered “healthy.”) But Keira Knightly? She’s naturally thin and has muscle definition. And as long as she’s not starving herself or overexercising, then there’s nothing unhealthy about that. But instead of celebrating that as long as they’re healthy, both naturally thin and curvy body types are hot, this meme has to argue that one of them is better than the other.

As for the “Curvy girls are better than skinny girls” page, I wouldn’t have an issue with it if it were called something like “Curvy Girls Rock,” because they do. But so do women of other bodily proportions. And as one of those, I am fed up.

Now, before you have the urge to scream “why don’t you go enjoy your lettuce in hell, you skinny bitch!” let me explain:

When I was 15 or so, I remember reading an issue of CosmoGirl or Seventeen or some other bullshit teen magazine with an article proclaiming “Real Women Have Curves!” And I immediately thought to my gaunt, 90-pound, flat-chested, already-insecure self “Now I’m not even a real woman!! I’m some sort of androgynous freak!! No one will ever love me!! WAHHHHHHHHH!!”

I understand what those magazines were trying to do, but by attempting to make one subset of girls feel more confident about their bodies, they effectively lowered the self-esteem of others.

Don’t get me wrong; I now appreciate my petite figure and above-average metabolism. That doesn’t mean I’m immune to the laws of physiology though, and consistent bad habits and unhealthy behavior catch up to me, as they do with anyone. But when I do gain weight — which I did to the tune of 20 pounds during my alcohol-heavy and exercise-minimal college years — it doesn’t go straight to my butt or hips, but, rather, to my stomach and face. Yep, that’s as unflattering as it sounds:

What a steady diet of beer, tots and ranch does to my face. It’s not good.

So even if I only ate chocolate-covered bacon and deep-fried cream puffs for a year, it would just turn me into a bobble-headed chipmunk caricature, not a curvalicious diva.

Basically, any time I’m exercising and eating right and, consequently, at a healthy weight for my height, it means I’m a 110-pound waif. And there’s not a lot I can do about it, just as there’s not a lot a naturally curvy woman can do to fit into a pair of size 2 jeans.

Now, does this mean I’m not a “real woman”? Of course not. But if you’re an insecure 15-year-old bombarded by messages screaming “REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES,” it’s going to take you a while to believe otherwise.

I understand I’m probably in the minority here, and that society is much more unfair toward those who aren’t naturally svelte. And the media consistently portray thin women as the ideal to which all us ladies should strive, and that makes a lot of women feel bad about their bodies and go on insane diets and do other crazy things to conform to that ideal.

But is tearing down another group of women the solution to making the other group feel better? Of course not. And, unfortunately, the media gon’ do what the media gon’ do. But why do we, as individual women, feel the need to perpetuate it on sites like Facebook and Pinterest? It’s not like there is a finite amount of body confidence to go around. Just because one woman has a lot of it doesn’t mean there’s less left for everyone else.

So instead of doing that, how about we celebrate women with healthy bodies of all sizes, from pear-shaped women to boy-shaped women and every option in between? I bet then all of us — not just some — would feel better about ourselves, and we could starting learning to love whichever beautiful body we’re so blessed to have in the first place.

28 Oct

Forever Lazy: This is what it’s come to, America

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Politics/Society/Seriouser Stuff.

The terrorists have won.

Scratch that. They’re not even going to bother with us anymore.

24 Apr

Easter egg hunts = humanity at its worst

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Funny Things That Happen To Me, Life and Such, Politics/Society/Seriouser Stuff, Rants/Tips, Squirrels/bunnies/mascots. Tagged: , , , , , , , , .

Probably because you pushed him down, you little shit.

“I’m gonna push people out of the way and run over them.”

That’s what a 5-year-old at the egg hunt I planned said to a newspaper reporter yesterday. Apparently, these are the sorts of values I’m instilling in our young people by putting on this event.

I mean, I’m not really into the whole Jesus thing, but I’m pretty sure “pushing people out of the way” and “running them over” weren’t what he had in mind when he sacrificed himself for the good of  the order, or whatever.

And it’s not just the kids who have this mindset at the Eggstravaganza. Many of the parents aren’t afraid to block or push other kids out of the way just so their offspring have a better shot at getting some crappy Easter stickers and diabetes-inducing candy (and, some years, inappropriate tattoos). And apparently, before I took the helm, organizers would put the bike-winning coupons in special gold and silver eggs easily distinguishable from the rest of the field, and — I swear I’m not making this up — some parents would bring binoculars so they could spot these special eggs beforehand and tell their kid where to run.

Simply put, mass Easter egg hunts bring out the worst in humanity.

As you can imagine, this incites some conflicting feelings for me. On the one hand, I’m indoctrinating America’s future with the values of greed and selfishness. On the other hand, it pays the bills. (And hey, at least a convicted sex offender wasn’t arrested at MY egg hunt …)

Fortunately, yesterday’s event was the last that will cause this crisis of conscience plaguing my mind. That’s right, I have  a new job! Well, sort of. One of my co-workers is retiring, and I’m transitioning into her strictly writing/editing position that involves only minimal participation in events. We’ll hire someone else to replace me, and I’ll transfer this crisis onto that poor unsuspecting soul.

I hope whoever that is has the best Easter of their life this year, because it’s going to be a long, loooooong time before they enjoy it again.

15 Mar

Facebook needs a Bozo Filter

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Funny Things That Happen To Me, Politics/Society/Seriouser Stuff, Rants/Tips.

Hey, you know that person you’re friends with on Facebook? The one who you kinda-sorta know because you went to the same high school/university/clown college, but who you’ve never had an actual conversation with? The one who, despite not really knowing you, finds it necessary to comment on Every. Single. Thing. you post?

Yeah, that guy. Don’t you wish you could make him stop doing that without having to block him from seeing your posts, because, well, he seems like a perfectly nice guy, just with some FB boundary issues, and you really have no interest in hurting his feelers?

Well, I have just the solution: Bozo Filter for Facebook.

Resident bozo/clown college graduate

“’Bozo Filter’?” you inquire. “Squirrel, just what is this ‘Bozo Filter’ you speak of?”

Well, I’m glad you asked! The Bozo Filter (at least the one I’m speaking of) is an amazing tool many media outlets use to control unruly users on their comment boards.

See, sometimes people have absolutely nothing better to do other than troll their local newspaper’s website and post obnoxious comments that manage to insult people of every race, creed, nationality, gender, political belief, sexual orientation, dog vs. cat preference, dancing ability, etc. He or she also manages to do this in the most obnoxious way possible by CAPITALIZING random WORDS and LetTeRS, blatantly mispeling werds over and over again, not knowing the difference between “you’re” and “your” and launching personal attacks at other users that have nothing to do with the topic at hand.

For example, when I worked at the Great Falls Tribune, there was a guy who posted under the moniker “RedneckHippie.” As you can tell by his username, he was a real charmer. He disagreed with just about everything anyone ever said in any Tribune article and also with just about every other poster on the forum. Basically, if it  didn’t come out of his mouth, it was wrong.

When someone didn’t agree with RedneckHippie, he’d reply using his comeback of choice: calling them a moron. Except he spelled it “maroon.” And capitalized and elongated it, so the published result usually looked something like this: “You don’T agree wIth ME, so your such a stoopid MAROOOOOOOOOON!”

Now, what can you do about someone like this, who basically ruins any semblance of civil conversation possible in these comment forums? Apply the Bozo Filter to him, of course!

When applied, the Bozo Filter still allows the offensive user to post, but – and here’s the absolutely genius part – only he can see that post; no one else need be bothered by such nonsense. Basically, he’s under the impression he’s still posting and people simply aren’t responding, which no longer provides the fuel needed to feed his fire of obnoxiousness.  Ta-da — problem solved!

Now, imagine how you could apply this mechanism on Facebook. That guy you went to clown college with who happens to think Glenn Beck is the greatest philosopher of our time? BOZO’D! The girl you barely remember from middle school who apparently only knows how to communicate via acronyms and emoticons? BOZO’D! The possibilities are endless!

I’m sure we can all agree the Bozo Filter would be an invaluable addition to Facebook, and much more useful and less creepy than the “poke” feature. Are you paying attention, Marky Z.?

23 Nov

Missoula schoolchildren are a bunch of sissies

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Funny Things That Happen To Me, Life and Such, Politics/Society/Seriouser Stuff, Rants/Tips. Tagged: , , , , .

OK, maybe it’s a little unfair to blame the kids … they’re not the ones who canceled school, after all. But whoever did is a huge wimp.

I get that it’s cold and snowy outside, but this is nothing abnormal for Montana. Growing up in Helena, I never had one snow day during my 12 years in the system. Not ONE. And trust me, there were plenty of days that would have qualified in just about any other state.

I once dug my 1987 Honda Civic out of nearly three feet of snow and drove it uphill (both ways, mind you) to get to school. Took me the six hours that school was in session, but I made it, because I’m a Montanan, damnit. And we don’t freak out or come to a standstill or cancel school because of a little snow or sub-zero temperatures, like a g.d. Texan or something.

Until the Missoula County Public Schools decided to lead the way in the wussification of our state, anyway.

In fact, Helena has just as much snow today as Missoula (if not more), but the wind chill there is almost -30 (the actual temperature is -9), and they didn’t wimp out and cancel school.

The actual temperature in Missoula is a balmy 3 degrees above zero, for crying out loud! It only feels like it’s -16! And there’s what, maybe, maybe six inches of snow on the ground? Since when does that cause everyone to freak out and cancel life as we know it? This isn’t Seattle; we know how to drive in a few inches of the fluffy stuff.

That being the case, I have just one thing to say to the small to medium-sized children of Missoula: Buck up.

Slip on your little snow boots, your mitties, your fuzzy hats with the puffs on top, and deal with it. Like a real Montanan.

This dog can handle it, Missoula, so why can’t you? (NOTE: I’ve been told this is actually a North Dakota dog. They’re pretty tough, too.)

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