20 Mar

The Census letdown

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Other.

I’m not gonna lie — ever since those commercials about “taking a snapshot of America” started, I’ve been pretty excited about filling out the Census. Yeah, I’m cool like that.

Since I was approximately 14 when the last Census made the rounds, this year’s marks a milestone of sorts, as it’s my first as a real (well, sort of) grown-up. I also get unnaturally excited to fill out forms about myself (shocking, I’m sure). When we received the letter telling us to be sure to fill out the Census when it arrived in a week, I tore it open, anticipating the real thing, only to realize I’d been tragically deceived. But it also built up my expectations even more — we’re taking a snapshot of America here, people!

The guy on the left also owned 28 pairs of shoes.

So you can imagine my disappointment when the actual Census arrived — complete with a message on the envelope warning of the legal repercussions of disregarding it — and it never really moved beyond the basics — name, gender, and those of the other people living with me. I kept turning the pages, expecting the good questions to start at any point, but nope. They were just extras, in case I needed to list the 33 people I may or may not live with.

Um, excuse me? What was all this “snapshot of America” talk? Exactly how does the government plan to piece together an actual portrait of me if they don’t get more details, like how many pairs of shoes I own (28), how many seasons of Seinfeld I have on DVD (all of them), how many miles I ran last week (21), how many hours I spend on the Internet (I don’t even want to know), how many times I’ll use the word ‘poppycock’ in this post (3), etc., etc.?? Poppycock, I say! Poppycock!

But, yeah, just because I had a bad Census experience doesn’t mean you should avoid one all together. It’s your duty as an American, or something, so fill it out. Especially if you live in Montana. We’re bound to hit that million-person mark one of these days!

14 Mar

I got carded. At Law School Prom.

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Funny Things That Happen To Me.

Last night, Zach and I went to Barristers’ Ball, aka Law School Prom, at the Hilton. I’d describe it in more detail, but that’s really all there was to it: It was like prom for law students and professors. Oh, and they had a “Dancing with the Stars”-type competition, with real judges as the judges. (Just think about it for a second. Slightly amusing, right?)

Anyway, I had a total of two glasses of wine at Law School Prom. Acquiring the first glass went off without a hitch, as I walked up to the bar and politely asked for a glass of merlot, and the bartender gave it to me.

A little while later, when I went to get a second glass, I walked up to the bar and again politely asked for a glass of the merlot. But because many underagers in Missoula now apparently try to sneak into Law School Prom instead of say, Stocks, the bartender decided she absolutely could not serve me unless she saw my ID. Despite the fact that it was at… Law School Prom.

OK, I get that though I’m nearly 25, I look young enough to be underage, and it’s perfectly reasonable for anyone serving alcohol to card me. But still, it irked me, mainly because: a) The bartender didn’t seem to be carding anyone else. 2) She’d already served me once. OK, it was dimly lit in there, and it may have been someone else the first time, but still… d) It was Law School Prom, for crying out loud!

The fact that this woman would dare card me at Law School Prom absolutely outraged me, as Zach can surely attest to. Now, of course, the fact that I had to go back to our table, grab my ID out of my purse, go back and wait in line again, and order a glass of wine from the woman I’m convinced thought I was actually trying to get away with something does not seem like a big deal now, but you could not have said or done anything to offend me more last night. I mean, I was wearing a dress and a cardigan, for crying out loud! A belted cardigan, no less!

Seriously, show me someone under 21 in Missoula who wears a belted cardigan after 9 p.m., and I’ll show you someone at  Stocks who’s over the age of 17. They just don’t exist.

I know, I know. I should appreciate it while I can. I have a hunch I’ll have plenty of time to do that though.

Aren’t you glad you don’t tell lawyer jokes?

11 Mar

My life will be complete after May 10, 2010

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Funny Things That Happen To Me, Life and Such.

Sometimes, my friends, the stars align, and something amazing happens.

I spent most of yesterday coughing, sneezing and generally just feeling yucky, so when I woke up this morning not feeling much better, I called in sick to work.

Now, had I sucked it up and gone in — as I’m usually inclined to do because I have some sort of weird Catholic guilt complex despite not growing up Catholic — I may have actually been working around 9 a.m. Instead, I was lying in bed with my computer, sifting through my RSS feed, when I came across the sweetest sight mine eyes have seen:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And in case you’re not quite sure how excited I am about this:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I kind of freaked out and purchased a ticket to his Denver show, since LD lives there, before realizing he’s also going to Spokompton, which is much closer and would be much less expensive to get to, but oh well! I’M GOING TO SEE CONAN!! LIVE!! IN PERSON!! ON MAY 10!!!! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!!! OMG!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because of this, what started out as a less-than-stellar day has turned into a pretty good one. Does that mean I have to go into work now?

10 Mar

Terrible news!

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Squirrels/bunnies/mascots.

So, I went to order the fabulous squirrel earrings I mentioned yesterday, and they WERE OUT OF STOCK. What the F, Animal World? Do you expect me to settle with these chinchilla earrings instead?? (BTW, there’s quite the selection of animal-themed jewelry on that site…)

When I saw the option to have them notify me once the earrings are back in stock, I immediately sent this e-mail, which I’m sure conveyed the sense of urgency regarding this matter:

Fortunately, Steve from Animal World promptly replied that they’ll have them back in stock early next week, so I don’t have to wait too long before these delectable baubles are dangling from my earlobes. A wardrobe complete, if you ask me.

9 Mar

Best. Websites. Eva.

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Squirrels/bunnies/mascots.

I’ve been so mesmerized since discovering these sites that I can’t even remember what led me to them in the first place. All I know is that my life will never be the same.

First up: www.thesquirrelboard.com. Because of this site, I desperately want to find an abandoned baby squirrel, cuddle it back to health, dress it up in fun little costumes, and live happily ever after. And then have someone compose a Broadway musical based on it.

Being totally adorable, that’s what!

That may seem a little bit nuts (pun totally intended), but think about it: It really doesn’t make sense that squirrels are not a commonly domesticated animal. We domesticate just about every other rodent, so why on earth don’t we domesticate the cutest ones? People own rats, for crying out loud! Have you ever seen a rat tail?!? (No, not this kind, but they’re equally disturbing.) They’re disgusting! Squirrel tails are much, much more adorable, yet we don’t keep them in our homes. I’m sensing a new career in the works: Squirrel Whisperer Extraordinaire!

Anywho, while perusing The Squirrel Board, I came across a link for another amazing Web site: www.squirrelsandmore.com. I know. You didn’t think it could get any better, right?

Consequently, I’m now the proud owner of this Beautiful Gray Squirrel Clock by Rosemary Millette, this Gray Squirrel Welcome to the Nuthouse Tin Sign, as well as this Portly Squirrel Garden Stake. And about a dozen other squirrel-themed items.

OK, so I didn’t really order all that squirrel crap, but I did find some squirrel earrings that I’m actually going to purchase and wear with pride. I’m also now inspired to stock up on various squirrel T-shirts, which I’ve been meaning to do for a long time anyway.

As you can see, these discoveries are clearly life-altering. Seriously, when I look back on my life 20 or 30 years from now (when I may or may not be a crazy squirrel lady), I will define it as pre-thesquirrelboard.com and post-thesquirrelboard.com. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »