20 Jan

Non-Americans are people, too

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Politics/Society/Seriouser Stuff.

Please, do what you can to help those affected by the earthquake in Haiti. Text HAITI to 90999 to donate $10 to the Red Cross. (AP photo/Gerald Herbert)

Earlier this week, my former employer, the Great Falls Tribune, published an article written by a member of its Teen Panel urging people to  donate what they can to relief efforts in Haiti. She traveled to the island last year to volunteer with her dad and was deeply affected by her experiences there. It’s a touching article, really, and it symbolizes the compassion many Americans have when tragedies like the one in Haiti strike.

Then it got ugly.

After reading the article, some online commenters — we’ll  call them ‘callous, insensitive idiots’ for our purposes here — thought it appropriate to post that America isn’t responsible for helping the people of Haiti and that they should just fend for themselves. I couldn’t believe it at first, either.

Now, I know I shouldn’t let things like this get to me, but I can’t help it. It got me riled up. And my mind just can’t let it go, especially after hearing the news of a 6.1-magnitude aftershock striking this morning.

What bothered me the most about the offending comments was that the people who made them seem to think that because those affected by the earthquake are not Americans, their lives are not as important, and we especially shouldn’t be helping them given our current economic situation. Then they defended their statements as ‘patriotic.’ If that’s what defines ‘patriotism’ these days, I want nothing to do with it.

I’m not that patriotic in the first place, and I’ve never really felt bad about it, either. I know (or hope, at least) that people who think like this represent a minority of ‘patriotic’ people in this country, but it’s comments like theirs that reinforce my convictions.

I truly hope all Americans realize how fortunate we are to have been born — through no virtue of our own, really, but through those before us — in a free, democratic and wealthy country that can weather hardship and come out of it stronger than before. The majority of the world’s people, including those in Haiti, aren’t so lucky.

I agree it’s important to consider the needs of our country, especially when many Americans are struggling right now. But we have the resilience to pull through hardship; Haiti does not. There are people in the world who need help more than we do, and the fact that they’re not American shouldn’t matter. We live in a global society, and we are, above all, humans first, Americans second.

So, to all the people who think like those commenters: There’s nothing wrong with considering yourself proud to be an American. But please, realize how lucky you are to be one, too.

18 Jan

I do stupid things sometimes

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Funny Things That Happen To Me.

When it comes to putting metal in the microwave, I don’t have a good track record. Though the chemistry of it is fairly cut and dried (do not put ANY amount of metal in the microwave for ANY amount of time. EVER.), I struggle with the concept. Embarrassing, I know.

What would happen if I came to your house and put something in your microwave.

Now, before you write me off as a complete idiot, you should know that many newer microwaves that Real Adults have come with metal racks on which to place food. My parents happen to have one of these, and it just confuses the hell out of my subconscious. While that really doesn’t justify the following stories, it’s still important to know.

The first time I nearly blew the house up, I was preparing a snack of crackers and those little wedges of Laughing Cow cheese. I’d just pulled the cheese out of the fridge, so it wasn’t easily spreading. I decided I could probably stick one of the wedges in the microwave, just for a few seconds, and it would be fine. Half a second later, it started to spark and flame. Instead of instantly solving the problem by pulling the microwave door open, I freaked out. Once I started jumping and waving my hands up and down while screaming “OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!” Zach calmly waltzed over and opened it, extinguishing the blaze.

“Um, you know you can’t put metal in the microwave, right?”

“Well, I didn’t think it would start on fire right away. I thought you could put a little bit in for a couple seconds and it would be OK.”

“No. Do not put ANY amount of metal in the microwave for ANY amount of time. EVER.”

Now, I’ve done a pretty good job of following this simple rule since that terrifying experience. Until this morning.

I had just finished making some delicious whole-wheat chocolate chip pancakes, and I decided I wanted to put some peanut butter on them. We had a little bit of organic peanut butter left, but it wouldn’t really spread because I had used up all the oils that had separated. “I’ll just pop it into the microwave for a few seconds to soften it up,” I thought.

Unbeknownst to me, hiding discreetly along the rim of the plastic jar was a tiny bit of foil, leftover from when I first opened it. So, when I put it in the microwave, it started to spark, as it is chemically inclined to do. I started freaking out, complete with the aforementioned jumping and screaming, but this time I at least mustered the courage to open the door myself.

Rustled from his slumber by all the racket, Zach came out of our bedroom and asked what I was doing. I explained that I’d ignited a minor fire, but everything was OK now.

“Did you put metal in the microwave again?”

“Um, well, I put the peanut butter jar in the microwave, and it started to spark. I didn’t realize there was metal on it. There was just a bit of foil leftover. I didn’t knowingly do it this time.”

“OK, but while we’re on the subject…”

“I know, I know.”

“Do not put ANY amount of metal in the microwave for ANY amount of time. EVER.”

We’ll see if it sticks for good this time.

14 Jan

‘Battlestar Galactica’: Not even once

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Funny Things That Happen To Me.

The other day, Zach uttered the 10 words any self-respecting girlfriend fears most.

“I think I’m going to become a ‘Battlestar Gallactica’ guy.”

My mind started to race. “Oh God, did he really just say that? Am I dreaming? Is this just an awful, awful nightmare? Will I wake up any minute, with my only somewhat geeky boyfriend sound asleep beside me?”

When I realized that I was, unfortunately, wide awake, my heart began pounding so hard I thought my chest might explode.  In between my ragged breaths, I noticed the room spinning. I may have even blacked out for a moment; it was too chaotic to tell. “Is this what my life has come to?!?”

All hyperbole aside, this story is basically true. Zach has crossed the threshold from part-time nerd (Ooh, look, a Wookie!)  to full-blown geekazoid (Hey guysh, wanna check out my Cylon bobblehead collection? Hey guysh, where ya goin’? Guysh?). And all it took was three hours (read: eternity) of crap like this invading our television.

I would consider some sort of rehab program, but, alas, “Battlestar Galactica” is a lot like meth — you try it once, and suddenly things like personal hygeine and the outside world no longer matter. (Plus, my research indicates no such program exists. Yet.)

I can’t count how many times over the past few days Zach has gushed about Edward James Olmos and how he couldn’t wait for the next disc of ‘BG’ to arrive via NetFlix. I think I even heard him whispering to himself in robot binary code the other day. I’m starting to fear I’ll never again get to watch any of the completely normal movies or shows I enjoy, like “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel,” on our TV. At least not for another four seasons.

Though my situation is hopeless, I feel I can still help others on the verge of being afflicted by this terrible, terrible condition. Ladies, if your significant other even mentions the words ‘battlestar’ or ‘galactica,’ run. Save yourself before it’s too late. Seriously, just get the frak out of there. You can thank me later.

What the hell does that even mean??

12 Jan

You stay classy, Conan

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Life and Such, Other.

A man with wit and class? This is why I will love you, Conan, forever and ever. Amen.

11 Jan

FOX + Sarah = true love (hopefully)

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Politics/Society/Seriouser Stuff.

I didn’t think I’d delve into politics quite this early, but that damn Sarah Palin is at it again, and I just can’t resist.

At first, I stared in horror as I read about her becoming a political correspondent for FOX News. Mainly because:

1) I do not like her. Aside from our shared love for running, I don’t agree with her on anything, politically or ideologically. She’s more concerned with advancing her own image than with improving America, despite what her supporters say. Her ignorance of world affairs troubles me. Anytime I hear her name in the news, I cringe.

2) FOX News is an insult to journalism. Seriously, FOX, how many more former Republican candidates/officeholders will you put on air before you drop the laughable “fair and balanced” slogan? (Granted, all 24-hour news channels insult journalism. FOX is definitely the worst though.)

But then I started thinking: FOX News is the perfect place for Sarah Palin, and her new gig there *hopefully* means she won’t run for president in 2012.  The fact that she resigned as governor of Alaska with nearly half her term left proves she’s more concerned about making money and basking in the media spotlight than enacting positive policy. And she supposedly has a degree in journalism (though that doesn’t really matter at FOX). So if that’s what she wants, why not give it to her?

It’s not like people who regularly watch FOX News do so for its “fair and balanced” news coverage; they want to hear someone tell them that the way they think is right. (Yes, I know that’s a blanket statement that does not apply to every single person who has ever watched FOX News. But it does describe many FOX devotees.) And the network panders to this exact tendency.

She can’t really do that much damage, can she? Honestly, more opportunities the woman has to speak on national television = more opportunities for Americans to realize how unqualified she is to run for president in 2012. Or ever.

Unfortunately, there is one major caveat to this: It could backfire. What if this is part of her evil, evil (so, so evil) plan to take over the country in three years? Depending on the political climate when the election rolls around, normal, non-right-wing conservative nuts might actually like what she’s saying. She could make a serious run for the presidency, and she could even (ohdeargodpleasedontletthishappen) win.

In which case, I would probably shoot myself. I realize I could just leave the country, but I’ve decided a world in which Sarah Palin can be elected president is a world not worth living in. Do you suppose Sarah would let me borrow her gun?

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