Squirrel Thoughts

A few weeks ago, I had the, um, interesting assignment of spending 10 days at the Montana State Fair in Great Falls. (I know you’re probably struggling to read past that first sentence, seeing how you’re likely consumed by a fit of raging jealousy right now. But please, try to collect yourself and continue.)

I spent 10 days at the fair to run UM’s marketing booth, which means I recruited approximately 1.5 students but handed out thousands of Griz football posters. But hey, whatever brings in the dolla billz, yo.

Shorty after arriving to set up shop, people from the surrounding booths started setting up as well, and I quickly realized that I would spend the next week and a half surrounded by a Jesus booth, a tattoo booth (yes, real, ink-in-the-skin, not-going-away-without-serious-laser-treatments tattoos) and a “homosexuality is a sin” booth. The people running these booths did not exactly share my liberal worldview. I joked to Zach that I would probably come home with a tat inscribed with the words“God hates fags but Jesus loves me.”

Actually, the Jesus people weren’t so bad – they spoke in tongues sometimes, but seeing how I had no idea what they were saying, they were basically innocuous. But the homo haters, on the other hand… well, they had some interesting ideas. A sampling of their logic:

• People should not believe in science, because there’s no way dinosaurs and birds could possibly be related. Apparently, this logic also led him to believe that their god is ruthless and will smite any dude who’s ever thought of another dude as more than just a friend.
• Setting up a booth at the fair with a giant sign that says, “Is homosexuality sin?” is OK and not discriminating at all because it’s like telling someone that their house is on fire and he is in serious danger. You wouldn’t just walk by a burning building and not tell the occupants about it, would you? Would you?!?

And then there was the Lemur Lady. Though I never saw it, the Lemur Lady apparently had a booth where people came and played with her lemurs. And, apparently, it’s not inappropriate at all to wrap a lemur around your neck and take it into a public bathroom, despite the fact that it violates EVERY HEALTH CODE EVER ENACTED. But hey, anything flies at the fair, even if it spreads communicable diseases.

Well, unless you’re an flaming HIV-infected homosexual sinner, of course.