That Punxsutawney Phil is full of sh*t

You’re lucky you’re so cute and fat, Phil.

So, famed groundhog Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow today, which, according to legend, means there are only two more weeks of winter left.

But I know better than to believe his bullshit, at least in Montana. Winter has never ended in mid-February in Montana. Never. Even when the rest of the world succumbs to global warming and the ocean swallows up Florida, it will still be winter in Montana. And Punxsutawney Phil will still be a liar.

Basically, Montana needs to recruit its own woodland creature to make wintery predictions:

  • If he doesn’t see his shadow, it means there are only six more weeks of winter left – yay! Pina coladas for everyone!
  • If he sees it, though, it means there are six weeks of winter left, then a few days of sunshine and temps hovering around 60 — just to get your hopes up — followed by a massive blizzard that dumps at least a foot of snow, most likely on the first day of spring. This pattern will continue off and on until mid-May.

The woodland creature will always see his shadow. Always. But hey, the summers are nice!

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Zach on February 2, 2011 at 10:05 am

    I thought you’d be more supportive of your rodent brethren.

    Reply

  2. Posted by Zach on February 17, 2011 at 10:48 am

    Isn’t it about time for a new Squirrel Thoughts?

    Reply

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