Stop pretending like you’re above ‘Friday’

Everyone’s making fun of poor 13-year-old Rebecca Black because the lyrics to her song “Friday” are basically the stupidest words to ever come out of anybody’s mouth.

But ya know, while I agree it’s not the most profound songwriting, you have to admit the song is pretty relatable. Come on, you know you want to get down on Friday, so stop pretending like you only want to have a nice glass of vodka juice and watch “30 Rock” reruns instead. And just try to name one person you know who doesn’t like parytin,’ partyin’ (yeah!) and fun, fun, fun, fun. That’s right — you can’t.

Still think it’s just some really, really dumb shit that you could have performed when you were 5, let alone 13? Well then, let’s break down a selection of the oft-ridiculed lyrics:

(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Now, what’s so bad about this? Artists have been throwing in random “yeahs,” “oohs” “ahhs,” etc. for years. She’s just singing and having a good time, haters. Cut the girl some slack.

Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal

Who can’t relate to this? Everybody has to wake up sometime, and most people with the means enjoy a nice shower to start their day (or a nice sprinkle of patchouli, if you’re into smelling like a combination of flowers and dog doo).

And I know I become a raging beast if I don’t get my g.d. organic wheat puffs within half an hour of waking up. And they damn well better be in a bowl, preferably MY bowl, unless you want to start your day with a black eye.

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

Remember when you were a teenager and the fate of your future relationship with your dreamy crush hinged on whether you could sit by him in the backseat of your friend’s car? Or, what if jumping to sit next to him would make you look really, really desperate and he would think you are really stupid and completely lose interest?!? OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG what should I do I have to choose right now because I have raging hormones and everything I do seems like the BIGGEST DEAL IN THE WORLD and I’m going to HATE myself FOREVER if I do the wrong thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These are not easy decisions, people!

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Everyone’s looking forward to Friday!!! Unless you’re one of the poor souls who doesn’t have a convenient 9-to-5 weekday schedule, in which case Friday probably isn’t actually “your Friday” at all and you’re really, really sick of seeing “TGIF” posted everywhere on Facebook when you still have to work for another three effing days.

7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right, ay
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

You know what I love? Come on, you know what it is. Think harder. You got this. It’s … FUN!! And you know what’s the most fun thing ever? Having a friend sitting on your right! Know what’s even more fun than that? Having a friend sitting on your right, and a mere acquaintance sitting on your left!! That’s the best!!

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after … wards
I don’t want this weekend to end

K, who can’t use a refresher on the days of the week every now and then? Think about it: How many times have you been at work, thinking it feels like Friday, but then you realize “shit, it’s only Thursday! I totally wanted to drink copious amounts of vodka juice and watch ’30 Rock’ reruns tonight, but now I can’t because it’s only Thursday! This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me!”

Now, if you’d been listening to Rebecca Black on repeat all day, you probably would have realized that Thursday comes before Friday and that you can’t just go straight from Wednesday to Friday without having Thursday first.

Unless you have some sort of super-sweet time machine, of course, in which case you should find something way cooler to do with it than just skip over Thursday. Like go back in time and tell Rebecca Black that singing this “Friday” song and making it available on the Internet is a really, really bad idea.

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