Posts Tagged ‘creepy’

I have never seen ‘E.T.’

OK, the headline isn’t exactly accurate. I have seen approximately four seconds of “E.T.,” or however long it takes in the movie for E.T. to make his first appearance and scare the complete shit out of me.

That was when I was, oh, 4 or 5 years old, probably, and I plan to die without ever going through that horror again. I know he’s America’s Most Beloved Alien, but his creepy neck and freaky fingers are just too much for my psyche.

On the last day of sixth grade, my teacher announced that we would be watching “E.T.,” and everyone cheered in excitement, while I started to have what I now recognize as a panic attack. Rather than suck it up and face my fear, I offered to help the teacher with packing up books and other end-of-the-school-year chores. I regret nothing.

So, when people make reference to E.T. phoning home, etc., I really have no context as to what it means, just that it’s pretty much the worst thing that’s ever happened. If he ever shows up at my house, I will probably kick the crap out of him and run away, screaming in fear. Sorry, little buddy.

OH, THE HUMANITY!
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