I have never seen ‘E.T.’

OK, the headline isn’t exactly accurate. I have seen approximately four seconds of “E.T.,” or however long it takes in the movie for E.T. to make his first appearance and scare the complete shit out of me.

That was when I was, oh, 4 or 5 years old, probably, and I plan to die without ever going through that horror again. I know he’s America’s Most Beloved Alien, but his creepy neck and freaky fingers are just too much for my psyche.

On the last day of sixth grade, my teacher announced that we would be watching “E.T.,” and everyone cheered in excitement, while I started to have what I now recognize as a panic attack. Rather than suck it up and face my fear, I offered to help the teacher with packing up books and other end-of-the-school-year chores. I regret nothing.

So, when people make reference to E.T. phoning home, etc., I really have no context as to what it means, just that it’s pretty much the worst thing that’s ever happened. If he ever shows up at my house, I will probably kick the crap out of him and run away, screaming in fear. Sorry, little buddy.

OH, THE HUMANITY!
(Image source)

 

Advertisements

3 responses to this post.

  1. By choice, I never viewed E.T. either. Not for the same reasons as yourself but my own, anti-compliant, reasons.
    It seemed everyone and their dog saw this movie and the bells rang for me that this was probably an alien invasion of ideas that was a communist plot or perhaps a Cold War skirmish.
    Something always says to me, ‘If everyone is doing it, I’d better put my brain to use in another way ‘ and so the rest is history.
    I wonder about your school mates and how many of them are completely screwed up now ? That alien message could have infiltrated their brain and they could be spending their days in day to day jobs and missing out on all of the pleasures you get from writing and thinking like an individual.
    I think you made an excellent choice back then. E.T. when he phones home tonight, will realise that he didn’t get everyone, and some of us are ‘just fine’ having not fallen for his grotesque charm.B

    Reply

  2. Trust me — skipping this movie is not a big loss — it is LAME.

    Reply

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: