Squirrel Thoughts

My neighbors and I are getting pretty tired of this car alarm that keeps going off on our street. They’re tired of it because it’s loud and obnoxious and seems to go off at random intervals throughout the day. I’m tired because it’s coming from my car.

My neighbors are probably writing a similar note at this very moment.

Before I explain further, you should probably learn a little background on the car: I (OK, my parents) bought it used about five years ago, and whoever had it before installed an alarm, so I don’t have a key chain alarm thingy  or manual or anything for it. It usually just turns on when I lock the car from the outside. It’s caused me a few problems over the years, but it’s never been a huge issue. Until now.

For some reason, when I got in my car and turned it on yesterday, all the doors locked and the alarm activated.When this happens, there’s only one way out, because if the the alarm is activated, I can’t unlock the doors by pressing the buttons. At this point, getting out of the car involves a) freaking out, because I’m locked in this damn car with no way out, followed by b) pulling up the manual lock, which sets off the alarm. I then have to get out of the car and turn the key in the driver’s side door, since that’s the only way I know how to turn it off.

Now, this wouldn’t be overly obnoxious if I could just get out of the driver’s side door and turn it off. But I can’t. The top of the manual lock on that door broke off, so I can’t pull it up when it’s locked. So I have to lunge across the the passenger side, pull up the lock — which triggers the alarm and a full-swivel panic in me — push open the door, jump out, try not to eat shit on the ice, avoid making eye contact with the neighbors, who have gathered on their porches to give me the death glare for the gazillionth time that day, scurry across to the driver’s side door and turn the key in the slot to make it stop.

To better illustrate this, I had Zach record a video of me in action.

Now, anyone who’s had the privilege of hearing me complain about it lately knows I’ve had several issues with this car, and I’m getting tired of throwing money at it. But as  you can see, this is a problem. I usually take the bus to work, so I’m not completely dependent on it, but it’s really just embarrassing to go anywhere in a car whose only exit strategy is that.

Since I don’t have a manual for it and know nothing about cars, I’m going to take it to a place that installs stereos and alarms tomorrow, and hopefully they will take a look at it and figure out how to disable the damn thing. If my neighbors don’t destroy it first, that is.