A (likely incomplete) list of things that are wrong with my car

Haha! But seriously — lemme know about that shit.

  1. Only the front passenger-side window rolls down. When I go to a drive-thru, I have to open my door to give them my order, close it, pull forward, open the door again to pay, close it, put my debit card back in my wallet, wait for them to come back with my food, open the door, take my food, then drive away while trying to ignore the laughter emitting from the car behind me.
  2. Half of the front bumper is missing.  It’s not technically lost, because I know where it is — it’s sitting in my back seat. Apparently a half-inch-deep stream strewn about with pebbles encountered on a hiking trip is too much for a Volkswagen to ford without  falling apart.
  3. The speedometer doesn’t work. That’s right — I’m just wingin’ it out there. If I ever get pulled over for speeding, and the officer asks if I know how fast I was driving, I can honestly reply “I have no idea. Do you?”
  4. Some trim fell off on one side and is stored in my trunk. Next to my fake hazmat suit/backup Halloween costume. Natch.
  5. First gear gets stuck after being in neutral at a stop light. I have to jam it back and forth until it goes in. I’ve heard I look really cool while doing this.
  6. If I leave the sun/moon roof cracked open and turn off the car, it automatically starts closing when I turn the car on again. Once it’s closed, it won’t open again for an undetermined amount of time.
  7. When I start the car, all the doors lock automatically. But the button to unlock them doesn’t work, so people have to pull them up manually (which isn’t as easy as it sounds). Since the lock on the back passenger side door is broken off, the person sitting there is just shit out of luck (this is actually much better than the driver being shit out of luck, though.)
  8. There’s permanent duct tape residue on one side. Once, I was driving around town, and my car just starting falling apart. I  had to glue one of the side panels back on after it fell off in the middle of the road. And I had to secure it with duct tape while the glue dried. My dad, who subscribes to the infamous you-can fix-anything-with-duct-tape philosophy, was really proud.
  9. There appears to be a mystery electrical apparatus hanging from the underside of the driver’s seat. I should probably get that checked out ..

3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Guess on August 25, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    Time for a new(new to you anyway)car?


  2. Posted by Pa Squires on September 3, 2011 at 10:04 am

    Perhaps when you have a craving for fast organic tofu and lemon-flavored salmon, you should park the Jetta, walk into Mickey’s D, order your food,sit down, and eat it.

    WD-40 might remove that unsightly duct tape residue.


  3. […] was a bit emotional, I’m not gonna lie. Sure, she may have had a few flaws, but when you’re with the same car for seven years, you get a little attached, imperfections […]


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