Archive for the ‘Funny Things That Happen To Me’ Category

13 Sep

Alternate Squires Family photos

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Funny Things That Happen To Me. Tagged: .

A few years ago now, when Awkward Family Photos was starting to get big, Zach went on a random tirade when he thought it was really funny to find photos depicting an “Alternate Squires Family” to post on my Facebook wall. Since he thinks he’s just so damn clever, he’s been begging me to blog about it since. Because he recently went through all the work to dig them up on Facebook, I’m finally obliging.

First, here’s a photo of the Real Squires Family, probably from around 1998, for context:

Bill, Beckie, Allison, Jason. We're all totally normal, trust me.

From right to left: Bill, Beckie, Allison, Jason. We’re all totally normal. Don’t let my mom’s visor deceive you.

Why would you ever feel the need to poke fun at such a cute little non-weird family? I have no idea. But once Zach got started, there was no stopping him.

First up: Asian Squires Family, in which Asian Jason was banished to the corner away from the rest of our little Asian family for an unknown reason:

My mom doesn't get it.

My mom doesn’t get it.

Then on to the Alternate Squires Family Vacation, during which “I” wore some really flattering shorts:

Family vacation

Amish Squires Family:

Amish

’80s Squires Family, in which Zach implies that my brother is a girl. I’m sure it was an accident:

80s

(For the record: My brother is a boy.) (We’re pretty sure.)

Alternate Squires Family That is Somehow More Normal Than the Real Squires Family Even Though They Don’t Know How to Use a Couch:

Normal

And finally, the overwhelming fan favorite: Alternate Squires Family in which Allison and Jason are Monkeys, which Zach apparently thought would make a great birthday present to me:

Monkeys

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10 Sep

Happy Kardashian Day to us!

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Funny Things That Happen To Me, Life and Such. Tagged: , , , .

Man, Zach and I really have this marriage thing all figured out. Not only have I not pushed him off a cliff — like this woman is accused of doing to her husband, whom she also married on June 29 — we have now broken Kim Kardashian’s marriage record of 72 days. Yep, Zach and I have been enjoying our wedded bliss for a full 73 days, and Zach surprised me with flowers at work to mark this important milestone:

Flowers

No, really, that’s what they’re for:

Note

If not pushing each other off cliffs and lasting longer than a marriage based solely on publicity doesn’t mean we can make it in this crazy world, I don’t know what does.

15 Aug

Throwback Thursday: The saddest photo bomb ever

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Funny Things That Happen To Me.

One of my best friends came across this of gem of a photo while putting together a slideshow (somewhat) recently. It might be the saddest thing you’ll see all day:

Abandoned!

That’s my friend Andrea with her sister and dad on the day of our high school graduation, shortly after the ceremony, when everyone was reuniting with their families.

Well, almost everyone. As you can see, that’s me in the background, standing all alone, waiting, just waiting, for my family, WHO ABANDONED ME TO FEND FOR MYSELF IN THE POURING RAIN. Saddest photo bomb ever. Seriously.

(This was also around the start of my chipmunk-face phase. Eeeeeee.)

Now, our graduation went down in history as one of the most miserable on record. It was the first one in a long time planned to be held outside, and they made a really big deal about it beforehand. The day of, I’m pretty sure the forecast called for rain, but instead of going with Plan B and moving it indoors, they apparently thought, “Eff this. We made a really big deal about having this stupid thing outside, and we’ll look like a bunch of huge d-bags if we move it inside now. We’ll just make everyone sit in a downpour for three hours instead!”

So yeah, everyone was pretty miserable. And then, to add insult to injury, I had to stand around, soaking wet, with my chipmunk face, wondering WHY MY ENTIRE FAMILY HAD ABANDONED ME.

I kid, of course. My parents love me and have always been super supportive. I’m sure they turned up mere seconds after this photo was taken. Honestly, I don’t even remember this, so it couldn’t have scarred me too much. It was just too good — in the way that really sad, pathetic things are good — not to share. Happy Throwback Thursday!

12 Aug

I demand a correction!

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Funny Things That Happen To Me. Tagged: , , , , , .

We were going through some old photo albums at my grandma’s house this weekend, and I came across this clipping from the publication for which I currently happen to work:

Correction

Yep, that second graf is a blurb announcing the birth of yours truly in the June 13, 1985, edition of the Great Falls Tribune, two weeks after I was born. Pretty cool, huh?

That’s what I thought, too, until I noticed … the error.

OK, “error” is not exactly accurate. It’s really just a typo. A typo made back in the day when reporters still click-clacked away on an old-timey machine called a “typewriter” and could not even imagine the simple convenience of hitting the backspace key to erase an error. During the era when they measured copy with pica poles and laid out the paper using “paste ups.” Whatever that means. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Check facts. They may have used computers by the ’80s … In which case, UNACCEPTABLE!)

But the irony of a proper grammar/spelling/punctuation enthusiast finding a typo more than 28 years later in her own birth announcement — published in the very paper for which she works, where she started her journalism career as a copy editor — was not lost on me.

So this morning, I strolled into the morning news meeting with other editors and reporters, slapped the clip down on the table in front of the city editor and demanded a correction. Of course, not everyone is cut out to be a copy editor, so I mainly received puzzled looks at first regarding the “error” I wanted corrected.

“Do I look like somebody’s DAUG-ter to you people?!?!?” I bellowed. “DO I?”

Most people caught on at this point, and we all had a good laugh. I was then reminded that we run corrections for factual errors, not typos. (Because let’s face it, with shrinking staffs and newshole, there’s simply not enough room to publish corrections for all the typos papers make these days … ba-du-dum-ching!)

I figured I’d give it a shot though. Maybe I’ll even write the correction myself and try to slip it in. I owe it to all the remaining copy editors out there to try, at least.

29 Jul

And the winner of the “Which badass creature should appear in our wedding photos” contest is …

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Funny Things That Happen To Me.

Well, take a look for yourself!

Alf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s subtle at first, but once you see him, you can’t NOT see him … ALF. Mother. Effing. ALF.

I was already kind of obsessed with this photo before, sans-ALF, but pretending that this furry, cat-eating Alien Life Form was actually at our nuptials — shutting down the bar, no less — pretty much made my life. And, naturally, he and I are the only ones who can hold our liquor.

Thanks again to our awesome photographer, Suzie Mauro of Zomak Photography, for her fine work on this (and all) our photos. I suspect few wedding photographers would oblige such a ridiculous request. Sorry if this means you’ve compromised your professional integrity, Suzie. We assume it was worth it though.

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