Conan to NBC: Eff off

I’ve been a fan of Conan O’Brien for more than a decade, ever since I started watching  “Late Nite” as a 12-year-old insomniac. For a few years, I even had an alarm set on my Timex to go off as soon as his show started to ensure I wouldn’t miss it. Yes, that’s how devoted I was. I mean, what kind of crazy person wouldn’t want to watch such comedic genius as “The Year 2000” and “The Men Without Hats Conversation Channel”?

I love you, Conan!! (NBC photo)

Now, I admit I haven’t been quite as committed to Conan in the past few years, mainly because my newspaper night shifts interfered. And I only occasionally watch him on “The Tonight Show” because my aforementioned insomnia requires me to hop in bed to read myself to sleep a couple of hours before my actual bedtime.

Despite my wavering commitment, I’d like to say two words to NBC and Jay Leno for giving Conan the boot from his current time slot: Suck it. Hard. (OK, I added a third word after the fact, because I’m just that angry.)

How anyone could possibly think Jay Leno is funny continues to be one of Life’s Great Mysteries, and the fact that NBC gave him a primetime show so he can make those idiotic statements he calls “jokes” was asinine. Because Jay Leno is not funny. He’s incredibly lame, actually. His jokes are so stale and predictable that a 2-year-old could guess the punch lines and probably be too smart to find them amusing.

Or maybe he is funny, and I’m just bitter because he’s built a career around making fun of copy editors’ unfortunate mistakes. (As if the newspaper industry doesn’t already have it bad enough. Thanks a lot, asshole.)

Whether he’s funny or not, the network is now rewarding his poor ratings by moving him back to Conan’s hard-earned spot. (Well, they’re actually scrambling to save their asses, but same diff.) Granted, he’ll only have half an hour to jack-ass about, but that doesn’t change the fact that NBC agreed five years ago that Conan would replace him. Seriously, Jay, five years wasn’t long enough for that to sink in? (“For Mr. Leno, who made no secret that he was unhappy about being moved from ‘The Tonight Show,’ the change represents something of a vindication …” reports the NYT.) How about you do us all a favor: stop being the Brett Favre of late-night TV, go put on your leather jacket and play with your cars and motorcycles, OK?

If only NBC didn’t have “30 Rock” and the Winter Olympics, because I’d boycott their once-uncrappy network altogether, save Conan, if he stays. But I hope he tells them to eff off and heads to FOX or somewhere else. Why? Because he — and America — deserve better. That’s why.

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5 responses to this post.

  1. Wait, why would Conan go to FOX? I’m confused.

    Reply

  2. Because NBC is screwing him over by moving him to a later time slot, and FOX has said they’d be interested in working out a deal on a late-night show with him, especially since they’re lacking in that market. We’ll find out what he’s going to do in the next few days, I’m sure.

    Reply

  3. Posted by Carrie Koppy on January 15, 2010 at 8:47 am

    Brett Favre? How can you be so cruel? Leno is a has-been trying to hang on to what little glory he has. Those of us with longer memories recall when he screwed over David Letterman with greasy network politics years ago. But Favre, on the other hand, is a savvy, skilled quarterback who listened to people who said that 39 was too old to be playing professional football. It didn’t even take him three months to realize that he still had plenty of offer a team, and his passion for the game had not dimmed at all. Unfair, Allison. Really unfair.

    Reply

  4. Carrie, I meant no offense when refering to Leno as the “Brett Favre of late-night TV.” I really don’t know a lot about football (See “It’s Pflu season for 2010 Grizzlies”); I just know that Favre is at an age where he is supposedly past his prime, which you have eloquently argued otherwise. It seemed like a logical comparison at the time. In reality, I should have compared Leno to that skeaze Tom Brady, as they seem to be more alike personality-wise, if not in age. 🙂

    P.S. Thanks for reading the blog!

    Reply

  5. […] I said in a previous post, I’ve been a fan of Conan for about 12 years. As a teenager, I had a lot of anxiety — […]

    Reply

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