2 Jan

2010 in review

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Other.

I know you loyal Squirrel Thoughts readers are super interested in how my blog fared over the past year, so fortunately for you, a talented bunch of helper monkeys over at WordPress have assembled a statistical snapshot of squirrelthoughts.com in 2010.

I hardly deserve the high marks, seeing how I haven’t posted for almost a month, but I promise I’ll get her up and running again in the new year. And the Interwebs police keep bothering me about paying up to maintain my domain name, so I better make it worth that 15 bucks. Happy 2011, everyone!

***

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 6,100 times in 2010. That’s about 15 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 59 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 167 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 92mb. That’s about 3 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was November 5th with 115 views. The most popular post that day was In which Monte burns down the University Center.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, theyogurtchronicles.blogspot.com, whatgoodarethewords.blogspot.com, emilysrunning.blogspot.com, and twitter.com.

(I’d like to thank my good friends Danny Davis, Sarah Windmueller, Emily Hoover and Mark Zuckerburg for these referrals. And the Twitter guy, too. Biz, maybe? Buzz? Buzz McAllister?)

Some visitors came searching, mostly for baby bunnies, fat bunnies, types of bunnies, fat bunny, and fattest rabbit.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

In which Monte burns down the University Center November 2010

2

Hey kids, want some racist tattoos? March 2010
5 comments

3

Today’s Dysfunctional Family Circus cartoon April 2010

4

A whole new level of mascot obsession September 2010
1 comment and 1 Like on WordPress.com,

5

Keep Missoula … original? February 2010
6 comments

10 Dec

I will throw down over the long dash

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Grammar Nerdery.

As someone who truly cares about proper grammar, punctuation, spelling, writing complete and intelligible sentences, etc., I’ve noticed a disconcerting trend over the past several years: the blatant disrespect for, and subsequent overuse of, the long dash.

See, I have a soft spot for the long dash. It’s my most favoritest punctuation mark. When used appropriately, it can be extremely powerful. That’s because you’re supposed to use a dash “to set off an abrupt break or interruption and to introduce a long appositive or summary” or “to create emphasis or drama.” You don’t use it to replace a colon. Or a semi-colon. Or, for the love of beans, to replace a comma.

I first came to sympathize with the plight of the long dash during a summer internship after my junior year of college. I worked as a copy editor and designer at the Reno Gazette-Journal, and once a week, the news editor and I would go over my pages so she could give me advice on how to improve. She only had to point out the rampant abuse of the long dash in Associated Press copy once, and all of sudden, I couldn’t help but notice it. All. The. Time.

It’s almost like the AP was out to get the long dash for some transgression committed long ago. Perhaps the long dash accidentally flushed the childhood fish of one of the higher-ups, and years later, he/she  issued a decree demanding it replace every form of punctuation whenever possible, thereby diminishing its power so it could never, ever do something like that again.

Or maybe they were just lazy and didn’t want to think about what kind of punctuation was actually appropriate, so they defaulted to the long dash. Whatever the reasoning, the trend has spread to all kinds of writers, and IT IS NOT OK. And I am taking a stand!

Take this sentence, for example:

“The golden ferret — despite being favored for second — beat all the other ferrets at the Ferret Derby.”

So, the ferret was favored to take second, but he actually took first? BFD. I mean, I’m really happy the ferret has achieved everything he’s ever dreamed of, but it doesn’t mean that clause requires the extra emphasis the dash provides. A comma would suffice:

“The golden ferret, despite being favored for second, beat all the other ferrets at the Ferret Derby.”

However, let’s say the golden ferret began the race with the odds against him:

“The golden ferret, despite having just half a leg, beat all the best-trained thoroughbreds by an hour at the Ferret Derby.”

His half-leg is so small you can’t even see it!

Wait — shut the mother-effing front door. Did I just read that right?! Let me read it again …

Yes, yes, I think I did. HOLY. SHIT. That golden ferret has just HALF A LEG, and he still managed to win by AN HOUR?!? He only has HALF AN EFFING LEG!!! HE’S A GODDAMN HALF-LEGGED FERRET!!! That shit is CRAZY!!

Here, setting off that clause with a long dash is necessary to convey the drama of the half-legged ferret’s victory:

“The golden ferret — despite having just half a leg — beat all the best-trained thoroughbreds by an hour at the Ferret Derby.”

I completely understand why people love the long dash and want to use it all the time. It’s pretty awesome. And I’ll be the first to admit I sometimes use it inappropriately on this very blog.

But when people continually overuse the dash, it loses the power that makes it so effective. It’s like if we capitalized every noun, not just proper ones. If we did that, how would we know which ones are important?

So, next time you’re about to haphazardly insert a long dash into your writing, stop and think about whether it’s actually necessary or if you’re just contributing to its demise.

And for those of you who love the long dash, don’t let me stop you. But please, don’t just love the dash — respect it, too.

23 Nov

Missoula schoolchildren are a bunch of sissies

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Funny Things That Happen To Me, Life and Such, Politics/Society/Seriouser Stuff, Rants/Tips. Tagged: , , , , .

OK, maybe it’s a little unfair to blame the kids … they’re not the ones who canceled school, after all. But whoever did is a huge wimp.

I get that it’s cold and snowy outside, but this is nothing abnormal for Montana. Growing up in Helena, I never had one snow day during my 12 years in the system. Not ONE. And trust me, there were plenty of days that would have qualified in just about any other state.

I once dug my 1987 Honda Civic out of nearly three feet of snow and drove it uphill (both ways, mind you) to get to school. Took me the six hours that school was in session, but I made it, because I’m a Montanan, damnit. And we don’t freak out or come to a standstill or cancel school because of a little snow or sub-zero temperatures, like a g.d. Texan or something.

Until the Missoula County Public Schools decided to lead the way in the wussification of our state, anyway.

In fact, Helena has just as much snow today as Missoula (if not more), but the wind chill there is almost -30 (the actual temperature is -9), and they didn’t wimp out and cancel school.

The actual temperature in Missoula is a balmy 3 degrees above zero, for crying out loud! It only feels like it’s -16! And there’s what, maybe, maybe six inches of snow on the ground? Since when does that cause everyone to freak out and cancel life as we know it? This isn’t Seattle; we know how to drive in a few inches of the fluffy stuff.

That being the case, I have just one thing to say to the small to medium-sized children of Missoula: Buck up.

Slip on your little snow boots, your mitties, your fuzzy hats with the puffs on top, and deal with it. Like a real Montanan.

This dog can handle it, Missoula, so why can’t you? (NOTE: I’ve been told this is actually a North Dakota dog. They’re pretty tough, too.)

22 Nov

It’s not over yet, Griz Nation!

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Squirrels/bunnies/mascots.

All right Griz fans, I know this season was tough. We’re hardly used to losing one game in a season, let alone four.

And standing outside in 6-degree temperatures watching our beloved Griz (if that’s who were playing in those god-awful uniforms…) lose to the Cats at home? Worst. Day. Ever.

Half of Griz Nation is probably still in bed, commiserating the loss and the no-playoffs-for-the-first-time-in-18-years announcement. It’s been a rough couple of days.

But the good news is we still have a shot at the national championship. “But how is that possible, Squirrel? HOW?!” By voting for Monte in the Capital One Mascot of the Year competition, of course!

That’s right — Griz fans have done such an awesome job voting so far that Monte has moved on to the playoffs! This week, he’s up against defending champ Bearcat of Cincinnati. If he loses, he’s out, and our dreams of winning a national title will deflate for good.

I mean, if our football team is out of the running for a championship, we can at least vote our mascot to one, right? Right!

Let’s do this, Griz Nation. We Montanans don’t give up that easily when the going gets tough; we pull ourselves up by our bootstraps (or ballet-flat straps, in my case) and get the job done.

So vote. Daily. Or hourly. Or during every single free moment you have. Bookmark the website and vote whenever you’re just messing around on Facebook or I Can Haz Cheezburger or whatever site you frequent when trying to avoid productivity.

(Unfortunately, you MUST vote online for the rest of the contest, as the text-message option has been eliminated, so be sure to click on capitalonebowl.com several times a day.)

If you’re still not convinced we can do this, let me give you one last incentive:

I really am taller than him, I swear.

See that adorable little fella? That’s Mo. Mo is Monte’s little brother, who dreams of filling his big-brother mascot’s shoes some day.

All Mo wants for Christmas this year is for Monte to be the Capital One Mascot of the Year. Unlike the rest of his mini-mascot friends, he doesn’t want a Squinkie or an XBox 360 Kinect or a Sing-a-ma-jig or anything.  He just wants his big brother to win the championship.

Now, look into those big brown eyes and tell Mo you’re not going to vote for Monte every chance you get. Just try.

That’s what I thought.

11 Nov

Dear snakes: Please die

Posted by Allison | Squirrel Thoughts in Funny Things That Happen To Me.

The other day (aka last month when I started writing this post but then forgot about it), I was enjoying a leisurely 10-mile jaunt on a riverside trail in Missoula.  One minute, I was on a nice  run along the waterfront on a beautiful and unseasonably warm October day, and the next minute, I was staring death in the face.

Why? Because I saw a snake. And I freaked out.

And by “snake,” I mean “glorified worm,” and by “freaked out,” I mean “screamed so loud everyone within a four-block radius could hear me.”

The worst part of this was that I’m usually prepared for these situations, because I typically carry my Snake Rock. That’s right, my Snake Rock.

High-quality Snake Rock

See, I’ve had this deep, ingrained fear of snakes (which would probably be classified as a phobia, since it often keeps me from doing activities I’d otherwise enjoy) since before I can remember. To cope with this fear, I do completely irrational things, like carry a rock in my hand for the duration of my two- to three-hour runs. (Though on this particular day, I figured it was late enough in the season that I wouldn’t have to worry about it … )

I figure that if I encounter one of these evil serpents, I can chuck my Snake Rock at it, jump and wave my hands up and down while screaming “OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!”, then turn around and sprint the other way before said serpent can swallow me whole. Infallible logic, if you ask me.

Which would be unfortunate — using my Snake Rock for its intended purpose, that is — because it’s not easy to find a good Snake Rock. There are several crucial criteria you want to keep in mind when in the market for a quality Snake Rock:

  • Size. You want the rock to be big enough to render the serpent immobile or, preferably, dead. However, you don’t want it to be so heavy that holding it weighs down an entire side of your body.
  • Shape. You’ll want a Snake Rock that’s slightly oblong — about a 3-to-4 ratio — so it fits snuggly in your hand and can be kept in throwing position at all times.
  • Texture. Since you’ll be carrying this rock for hours at a time, you don’t want it to be too rough, as it could cause some pretty nasty scratches. But a few jagged edges on your Snake Rock are good, because it’s possible the rock could then stab the snake to death when launched at it.

Now, you might think this is messed up. But you know what I think is messed up? The fact that snakes still exist. Seriously, no one likes snakes, except freaks who carry them around in their leather jackets. They’re scaly and legless and slither around in their icky legless bodies, just waiting to pounce on something more fluffier and innocenter. Like a bunny. A silly, wittle, baby bunny. Like this one:

I can notz be eatens by icky snakez?

Now, who other than a bad, bad, evil person could side with a a vile creature that would dig its fangs in and swallow whole a fwuffy wuffy wufferson like that?!?! Which is why snakes should just die. All of them. Now.

Do it for Pancake, snakes. Do it for Pancake.

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