Squirrel Thoughts

As proud bunny owners, Zach and I sacrifice a lot to make our house inhabitable for our wittle bitty fwuffy-wuffy furball of joy. And we don’t make any effort to hide it anymore. Yes, we’ve effectively become Those People. Please enjoy some depictions of this madness below.

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First off, the Bunny House! Though Pancake loves it, I suspect Martha Stewart will not be calling to do a feature on it anytime soon.

Then there’s the smaller, less popular Vacation Home. It’s less popular because whenever we tell Pancake she’s “going on vacation,” it actually means she’s “going to the scary vet,” where they will poke and prod her. She does not poke, nor prod, well.

The Bunny Maze is much more popular. Hours of fun, and no scary vets in there!

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Bunnies like to chew. On everything. All the time. It’s in their nature, and there’s no stopping it. To accommodate this, we try to provide Pancake with various natural bunny-chewing things. Such as sticks (store-bought, of course).

Phone books and bunny-shaped toys.

Old paper towel rolls.

Now, despite crap like this littering our entire living room, Pancake naturally gravitates toward the stuff she’s not supposed to chew on. Like electrical cords, which we’ve covered with plastic cord protectors, with a mild to moderate success rate.

Or remotes, which we’ve made a habit of facing down when not in use.

But sometimes we forget.

She also tends to chew on the edge where the carpet meets the tile, which we’ve deterred by covering it with a stylish combination of rugs and sheets.

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When she’s not chewing on things, Pancake partakes in various activities, such as pushing neatly stacked DVDs off the TV stand.

She also enjoys eating hay, which is consequently scattered across our home. Nom nom nom!

Pancake also enjoys a good burrow under the couch. Because of this, we have to leave the recliners open at all times, since she’s less likely to hide under those sections if they’re open, meaning she’s less likely to get squished.

Also, before anybody, ANYBODY, is allowed to open or close them, they must have visual on the bunny, and that visual must be somewhere other than under the opposing ends of the couch. This is best left to the professionals. (NOTE: If you ever come over to my house and squish my bunny, I will squish you. And not in a good way.)

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I’m sure by now you’ve noticed that Pancake is a fwuffy-wuffy wufferton. This means she needs a good brushin’ once a week or so. Pancake hardly likes to be touched, let alone picked up and brushed, so we had to get creative with our methods. The most effective one we’ve affectionately termed The Bunny Grab. It consists of several steps:

1) Block off all hiding places with pillows and such (under the couch, namely, which we often don’t bother unblocking anymore);

2) Locate the bunny and grab a blanket;

3) Chase said bunny around with said blanket, usually while she thumps out of pure, unadulterated fear;

4) Corner the bunny and cover her with the blanket;

5) Pick up the bunny while she’s rendered blind and helpless; and

(There’s a bunny somewhere in there, I promise.)

6) Take the bunny to the closet in the guest room, where she can hop around a bit while we brush her and she doesn’t have to sit squirming in our laps the whole time.

And that folks, is how you successfully complete The Bunny Grab. It might sound cruel, but there’s no getting around it — she has to be brushed every once in a while or her system will clog with fur and make her really sick. It’s not fun for us, either, but we do it out of love.

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You can see that maintaining a safe and healthy Bunny Room is hard work, which is why the doors to all the People Rooms in our home are closed at all times.

Curious by nature, Pancake desperately wants to explore the People Rooms whenever she gets a chance. Let the bunny into a People Room at your own risk though, as you’ll probably subject yourself to anywhere from five to 90 minutes of low-speed bunny chase as she rummages around under the bed, until you eventually spook her out with a broom handle.

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After reading about all the upkeep a bunny-friendly home requires, you’re probably questioning our sanity. I don’t blame you, and I am the first to admit it’s not easy being a bunny slave. But it’s a lot harder to say no to a face like this.