Posts Tagged ‘Halloween’

19 photos I couldn’t bear to delete to make room for the iOS8 update

Apple released the latest iOS update for iPhone today. And, in what may be the firstest of First World Problems, it has everyone complaining about how much storage space is needed to download it. This means deleting a lot of useless apps and selfie duplicates.

Because I’m currently unemployed, I had a lot of time to really comb through my photos and only keep those nearest and dearest to my heart. Here are 19 I just couldn’t bear to part with.

1. This photo of me standing in front of a Beef ‘O’ Brady’s in a snowstorm

BOB'S

We’ve all done it.

***

2. This photo of Pancake in which it looks like she doesn’t have ears

Pancake no ears

We did not chop off her ears, I swear. She still has them. We are not bunny abusers. Please don’t report us to animal control.

***

3. This photo of a squirrel-shaped nutcracker

Nutcracker

If you’re cracking your nuts with anything else … you’re doing it wrong.

***

4. This photo of me holding what I assume is a life-sized replica of Chewbacca as a baby

Chewie

If my child’s head is this big, she’ll be living in my uterus indefinitely.

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5. This photo of the face I made after getting the World’s Worst Haircut

Bad haircut

It kind of made me look like Toad from Super Mario. Or a literal squire.

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6. This photo of when we met The Great Pumpkin

Giant pumpkin

It was, like, really big.

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7. This photo of when I made latkes because I like to pretend I’m Jewish around Hanukkah

Latkes

The smell also lasted much longer than anticipated.

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8. This photo of the time I totally nailed a Pinterest recipe

Pinterest fail

If someone tries to feed you food that looks like this, do not eat it. I repeat: DO NOT EAT IT.

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9. This photo of Zach pretending to get stabbed in the eye with a dart

Dart

He kind of looks like he’s enjoying it …

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10. This photo of a guy on the sidewalk dressed up as a giant bottle of shampoo

Shampoo

I just really admired his enthusiasm.

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11. This photo of the time I spilled pho on my pants at lunch

Pho

If I don’t document these memories, who will?

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12. This photo of blatant desecration of religious symbols in the workplace

Religious discrimination

For those of you who also like to discriminate against “other” religions, this is a menorah and a miniature Festivus pole.

It’s like this newsroom has never even heard of the First Amendment.

***

13. This photo of a lawn gnome a business donated to be a prize in an Easter egg hunt I used to plan

Gnome

 You would not believe the knock-down-drag-out that ensued between two fifth-graders battling over this coveted creature.

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14. This photo demonstrating that many people do not understand appropriate use of quotation marks

Quotes

Sooooooo … can I get some Fanta or not?

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15. This photo of a guy on the sidewalk dressed as a Big Blue Blob

Blue guy

WARNING: If you are dressed up as anything — literally, anything — in public, I will stop and take your photo.

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16. This photo of a delicious lobster dinner I enjoyed back in March

Lobster

Back off. It could be the last one I ever get.

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17. This photo of a cardboard cutout of my childhood hero, Scruff McGruff (Chicago, Illinois, 60652)

McGruff

He’s the only thing that kept me from pursuing a life of hard crime.

***

18. This photo I took of Pancake in which she looks completely hammered

Drunk Pancake

Jesus. It’s like I want someone to call animal control on us.

***

19. This photo of me touching the World’s Largest Purple Spoon (maybe)

Spoon

I think they’re selling themselves short. This is probably the World’s Largest Purple Spoon, at least.

 

I suppose now that these images will live in perpetuity on the Internet, I can delete them from my phone. The emotional toll still might be too much though. Better play it safe and keep them this round.

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Update: Facing my childhood fear of ‘The Green Ribbon’

Well kids, I did it! I dressed up as Jenny from “The Green Ribbon”! I’m finally absolved of my childhood fear of that awful, awful story.

Well, not really. Now I’m actually more terrified of myself dressed as Jenny:

Somehow, Jenny got even more terrifying.

Dressing as Jenny also led to the most unflattering photo of me ever, hands down. And there are a lot of unflattering photos of me out there, trust me.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! It probably doesn’t help that I managed to buy the most poorly made wig ever known to man. (Tip: Don’t buy child-size wigs on sale at Walgreens.)

I wore this to work today, and a lot of people didn’t get it. But those who also read the story as kids were immediately creeped out when I pointed to the ribbon.  Success!

Weekend adventure: The Great Pumpkin is in our midst!

Last week one of my co-workers wrote an article about a giant pumpkin grown in Shelby, Mont., that squashed the previous state record for giant pumpkin-ness. It weighs 1,168 pounds, and is currently the 28th largest pumpkin in the country, according to the Great Pumpkin Commonwealth. (Yes, I squeed upon discovering such a commonwealth exists.)

The great pumpkin lives!  (Photo courtesy of Kyle Koschmeder)

The Great Pumpkin lives!
(Photo courtesy of Kyle Koschmeder)

Naturally, I was mesmerized from the get-go.

When I first told Zach the Great Pumpkin was in our midst, he was unimpressed. See, he hails from Eureka, Ill., the former Pumpkin Capital of the World, apparently, so he’s seen his fair share of extreme pumpkins. And, there are some hard feelings regarding Eureka’s fall from pumpkindom, as a neighboring community stole the namesake Libby pumpkin plant, and the title along with it, some years ago. (Never mind that all this happened before Zach was even born.)

Despite his initial lack of enthusiasm, Zach suggested we take a day trip up to Shelby, which is a little more than an hour north of Great Falls, to see the G.P.  So we hopped in the car Saturday afternoon, ready for a little adventure.

We got to Shelby, parked, and realized we should probably find out just where in town this G.P. was located. We looked it up and found out it was reportedly stationed at Shelby Paint and Hardware. Then, in a quintessential small-town moment, we looked up from the phone to realize we were right across the street from it.

We went inside and asked an employee where we could see the Great Pumpkin. Much to our dismay, she informed us that the G.P. had already been purchased and transported to another small town that’s actually only 10 minutes from Great Falls, instead of 75. But, we were in luck, because there was ANOTHER GIANT PUMPKIN outside. This one only weighed about 800 pounds, compared to nearly 1,200 for the actual G.P., but it was still larger than your average gourd.

Still pretty big, though it looked kind of mushy.

Still pretty big, though it looked kind of smooshed.

We weren’t going to settle for second place though, not after dreaming of meeting the Great Pumpkin for three entire days. After a quick stop at the Oasis, a little dive bar next to the hardware store that had an unusual combination of dead animal heads and ladies’ undergarments hanging on the walls, we started back down I-15 to Vaughn, the G.P.’s new residence.

Oasis

About an hour later, we reached the corn maze to which the Great Pumpkin had been sold. We quickly realized we were the oldest people there without kids, and that they wanted us to pay $16 to enter.  The lady at the entrance was kind enough to let us go in without paying when she found out we just wanted to a few moments to take in the Great Pumpkin’s magnificence.

And then, there it was, in all its 1200-pound glory:

z

Giant pumpkin portrait

Real Great Pumpkin

A dream is realized!

Since there’s really not much you can do with a giant pumpkin other than get a few pictures taken with it, we left about five minutes later. We thought we had wrapped up our giant-fruit encounters for the day. Boy, were we wrong. Pleasantly, pleasantly wrong.

On our way home, we stopped off at Albertsons to get some dinner ingredients. And, much to our delight (while, mine, at least), we spotted … HIM.

z

z

z

Blue

An employee at a Spirit Halloween Store, he stood on the sidewalk next to a busy street, dressed up like a giant blueberry, hoping to lure customers into the nearby store with his dance moves and blueberry-ing.  Well, that’s what he said when we pulled up next to him, and I shouted “Hey, what’s your deal?” out the window.

(OK, I guess this wasn’t technically another giant fruit, just a dude dressed up as one. Counts in my book though.)

In the end, it took us about two hours longer than we needed, and we drove 150 miles out of our way, but our adventure to find the Great Pumpkin was worth it. Linus would be proud.

Linus with sign

Linus

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