OK, not really. But I did hold a baby squirrel! One of Zach’s co-workers brought it into the office after she found it abandoned and helpless in her yard. So I had to go in and meet it, of course.
I thought maybe I shouldn’t hold it because I’m pregnant, and what if it bit me and turned our human baby into a squirrel baby? Or caused something that’s actually biologically possible, like infect us with a nasty disease? The co-worker assured me that she had taken it to the vet, who confirmed it’s disease-free, so I went for it. But if I do give birth to an actual squirrel, we’ll know why.
Apple released the latest iOS update for iPhone today. And, in what may be the firstest of First World Problems, it has everyone complaining about how much storage space is needed to download it. This means deleting a lot of useless apps and selfie duplicates.
Because I’m currently unemployed, I had a lot of time to really comb through my photos and only keep those nearest and dearest to my heart. Here are 19 I just couldn’t bear to part with.
1. This photo of me standing in front of a Beef ‘O’ Brady’s in a snowstorm
We’ve all done it.
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2. This photo of Pancake in which it looks like she doesn’t have ears
We did not chop off her ears, I swear. She still has them. We are not bunny abusers. Please don’t report us to animal control.
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3. This photo of a squirrel-shaped nutcracker
If you’re cracking your nuts with anything else … you’re doing it wrong.
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4. This photo of me holding what I assume is a life-sized replica of Chewbacca as a baby
If my child’s head is this big, she’ll be living in my uterus indefinitely.
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5. This photo of the face I made after getting the World’s Worst Haircut
It kind of made me look like Toad from Super Mario. Or a literal squire.
17. This photo of a cardboard cutout of my childhood hero, Scruff McGruff (Chicago, Illinois, 60652)
He’s the only thing that kept me from pursuing a life of hard crime.
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18. This photo I took of Pancake in which she looks completely hammered
Jesus. It’s like I want someone to call animal control on us.
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19. This photo of me touching the World’s Largest Purple Spoon (maybe)
I think they’re selling themselves short. This is probably the World’s Largest Purple Spoon, at least.
I suppose now that these images will live in perpetuity on the Internet, I can delete them from my phone. The emotional toll still might be too much though. Better play it safe and keep them this round.
Perhaps you’ve seen this video of a badass squirrel hi-jacking a model airplane and performing some death-defying stunts. It’s delightful.
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Some people, like whoever wrote this article, will try to tell you it’s a hoax. These people are total downers who don’t want you to believe that squirrels are capable of such spectacular accomplishments. Don’t buy into it. This is pure, unadulterated Squirrel Magic, kids. Believe it.
Until I have my very own backyard that will allow me to become That Crazy Squirrel Lady, I’ve cultivated a Shrine to Squirrels of sorts on my desk at work. Since Jan. 21 is Squirrel Appreciation Day, here’s a look at this Homage to Squirreliness:
I received most of these items as gifts. Once people find out that I’m The Squirrel, they just can’t help but purchase every squirrel-inspired item they see for me.
So thanks, guysh! I appreciatethat you choose to support my quirky penchant for our bushy-tailed friends instead of being totally weirded out by it. (Or, pretending like you’re not, at least. That’s cool, too.)
2013 was pretty good to me. I got married to my best friend. ALF was at our wedding. (True story.) I have awesome friends, a loving family and the privilege to live and run in Big Sky Country. My obsession passion for punctuation led to my most popular post ever (with an assist from the WordPress editors. Thanks, guys!)
And, lucky us, WordPress has real, live helper monkeys working around the clock to generate year-end stats for Squirrel Thoughts. Let’s take a look!
(EDITOR’S NOTE: Has anyone fed the helper monkeys lately? They’re probably getting hungry.)
Here’s an excerpt:
The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 10,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
Squirrel Thoughts 