Archive for the ‘Other’ Category

Why I’m blaming my reluctance to vacuum on the 1980s animated classic ‘The Brave Little Toaster’

I had a massive revelation recently. Out of all the various chores you have to do to keep your house from looking like a hoarder’s, I’ve always loathed vacuuming the most. Mainly because I’m terrified I’m going to run over the cord and get electrocuted and die, and then who would be around to take Pancake’s selfies for her or defend against the rise of the Oxford comma-nistas or remind you when it’s Squirrel Appreciation Day?

I’m 60 percent sure that “don’t run over the vacuum cleaner cord because you’ll get electrocuted” is one of those urban myths perpetuated during childhood, like “mixing Pop Rocks and soda will make your stomach explode” or “if you cross your eyes for too long, they’ll stay like that.” (Sooooooooo … I kinda-sorta seriously believed that one until college. College, people. Good thing “True or false: If you cross your eyes for more than 10 minutes, they’ll stay like that” wasn’t a question on the SAT.)

For some reason, the vacuum cleaner one has managed to stick with me well into adulthood, and we’re practically living in squalor because of it. A few days ago, something deep in my subconscious must have clicked, because it finally dawned on me: The scene in the classic ’80s animated film “The Brave Little Toaster” in which everything’s just going to hell for the talking appliances, and then Kirby the Vacuum eats his cord and dies — DIES — apparently gave me PTSD that’s lasted for 20-plus years.

Vacuum

This is actually one of the more lighthearted scenes in this fucked-up movie. Seriously.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find an actual clip of that scene in the movie, so you’ll just have to rely upon the photo above and your trust in me to believe it was absolutely horrifying and a totally legit reason to be afraid of the vacuum cleaner for the rest of your life.

Who else remembers this movie? Did it also scar you for life?

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2013: Our squirreliest year yet!

2013 was pretty good to me. I got married to my best friend. ALF was at our wedding. (True story.) I have awesome friends, a loving family and the privilege to live and run in Big Sky Country. My obsession passion for punctuation led to my most popular post ever (with an assist from the WordPress editors. Thanks, guys!)

And, lucky us, WordPress has real, live helper monkeys working around the clock to generate year-end stats for Squirrel Thoughts. Let’s take a look!

(EDITOR’S NOTE: Has anyone fed the helper monkeys lately? They’re probably getting hungry.)

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 10,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

My legen — wait for it — dary prediction for the final scene of HIMYM

Since “How I Met Your Mother” is going for the record for longest MacGuffin in history, and because this season in particular has moved so, so painfully slow, and because I watched a lot of episodes on Netflix while home sick … I’ve developed an epic prediction for what the final scene of the show will entail.

Fans will recall the season 7 episode “No Pressure,” in which Ted declares his love for Robin
A-GAIN, and she shoots him down A-GAIN (seriously Ted, is she really that hot?).

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Ted

“Wobiiiiiiiin! I wuv youuuuuu! Why don’t you wuv meeeeeeeeee?”
(I mockingly say this as if I didn’t bawl my eyes out during this episode.)

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We also learn in that episode that Lily and Marshall have been placing “long-term bets” with each other. In one, Lily bets Marshall that Ted and Robin won’t end up together.

A series of flashbacks ensues — Ted getting engaged to Stella, Marshall and Lily driving to Ted and Stella’s wedding, Marshall and Lily at Ted and Stella’s wedding before Stella leaves Ted for Karate Guy — in which Lily asks Marshall to pay up, and Marshall always replies “not yet …”

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Pay up

Not yet …

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Fast-forward back to the current episode, which seemingly ends with Ted declaring once and for all that he’s “over Robin” (uh huh …). Lily asks Marshall to pay up, and he still replies “not yet …”

So, based on that, here’s my prediction for how the final scene will play out:

The scene will unfold at Ted and The Mother ‘s wedding reception, during which they will clearly be so head-over-heals in love with each other, leaving Ted to be all like “Robin WHO?”

It’ll cut to Marshall and Lily sitting at a table, and Lily will ask Marshall to pay up. Marshall will shrug and … hand over the 20 bucks. Finally.

BAM! Mind blown, right?!  Oh man, I’m tearing up just thinking about it!

And I swear, if this actually does happen, but Marshall still replies “not yet … ”

I. WILL. LOSE IT.

Seriously, I will. If this show ends with even the tiniest sliver of a chance that Ted still wants to end up with Robin, EVEN THOUGH HE’S FINALLY MET THE DAMN MOTHER AND SHE’S EVERYTHING HE EVER DREAMED OF, I will revolt. REVOLT.

I imagine many HIMYM fans also feel strongly about this. Carter Bays and Craig Thomas, I hope you’re paying attention.

The continuing story of Tom Brady’s inability to get a high five

I just can’t stop laughing …

For The Win

Screen Shot 2013-12-22 at 10.29.23 PM

When we last left Tom Brady, the New England Patriots quarterback had evolved from high-fiving teammates on the sideline to delivering elbow bumps, which we figured would start a new trend of UGGs-wearing bros nationwide celebrating beer pong victories by tapping funny bones. This came after incidents earlier in the season in which Brady’s five fingers were stood up on the sideline, but eventually found a finger-slapping friend a few weeks later.

But, if we learned anything from The Lion King, it’s that you never trust a lion named Scar and that there’s something called the circle of life. The following happened on Sunday, when Brady was on the sideline celebrating a pick-six by his team’s defense in a blowout win over the Baltimore Ravens.

Everything old is new again.

[sigallery id=”08156bbddb22c2de8302e715402c92c9″ title=”NFL Week 16 FTW!” type=’sigallery’]

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Hey, thanks!

Sweet thank-you squirrel drawing by this guy.

Sweet thank-you squirrel drawing by this guy.

Thanks to everyone who’s stopped by Squirrel Thoughts this week, no doubt because WordPress editors had the good sense to feature my Oxford comma post on Freshly Pressed (thanks for that, too, guys!)

This has been a rough week for me for personal reasons I may or may not get into later, so all the blog love has certainly lifted my spirits. (Especially from those Oxford comma-nistas out there who chose to pleasantly disagree with me. I know how hard that can be when you feel strongly about an issue …)
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And I apologize to anyone who’s had that Vampire Weekend song stuck in their head since reading it. If it makes you feel better, I can’t get it out of mine, either.
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Also — I know it might be hard to believe — this is not the first time I’ve freaked out and blogged about punctuation. I might feel more strongly about long-dash abuse than I do about the Oxford comma …
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Again, thanks for stopping by! I’m having fun checking out all your blogs now. See you again soon!

It’s Squirrel Awareness Month!

Screw Vegetarian Awareness Month … did you guys know it’s also SQUIRREL AWARENESS MONTH?! I knew there was a day of appreciation in January, but I was only recently enlightened that the entire month of October exists because of squirrels and our continuous need to be aware of them.

So, here are some squirrel-related items you should be aware of:

a) This sweet hat my awesome friend Eleena sent me when she found it at H&M in Portland

Squirrel hat

Squirrels in love!

2) The greatest commercial ever, starring squirrels. YOLO!

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What are your plans for Squirrel Awareness Month? Have you come across anything particularly squirrelly lately?

Does a fair-going fox wear socks?

Longtime Squirrel Thoughts fans know I once had to work at the Montana State Fair for 10 days straight, and that is was worst week-and-a-half of my life.

This week, I returned to that infamous scene of that fair, but this time only had to manage a three-hour shift, thankfully. Though there for a fraction of my previous stint, the fair did not disappoint …

About halfway through, I saw a man walking toward our booth, carrying under one arm what appeared to be a small white dog wearing a muzzle. However, I quickly realized it was not a dog. Nope, it was definitely a … fox. Some dude’s just walking around with a muzzled-up fox under his arm, like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

At least, I was pretty sure it was a fox, but just to make sure I wasn’t crazy, I asked “Hey, what kind of animal is that?” as he walked by.

“It’s a fox,” he replied, somewhat tersely, apparently taken aback that someone would think to ask about his fox.

“Where’d you get it?”

“At the zoo, there’s a zoo here,” he responded, then gave me a look indicating my questions were highly unusual.

Now, I realize that in most situations, I am, in fact, the weird one. I have no qualms admitting that. But I truly feel that, if forced to narrow it down, a panel of reasonable people would consider Fox Guy the stranger of the two of us in this situation. I wanted to say as much — “Dude, don’t give me that look! You have a FOX! YOU are the clearly the weird one here!” — I thought better of it, though.

This all happened so fast, and I forgot to snap a photo before he was out of sight. When I went back to my office and told the tale of the Weird Dude with the White Fox at the Fair, my co-workers were skeptical and suggested I might be crazy. (Though by now, I think they should know to expect these kinds of anecdotes from the fair.) Unfortunately, I didn’t have any proof, so I was, once again, the weird one.

“Was it wearing socks?” one colleague asked.

“Was it eating lox?” another chimed in. (Side note: Mmmm … lox.)

Yeah, yeah, just laugh it up, Chuckles. There’s a disgruntled zookeeper walking around a crowded venue with a vicious fox capable of who-knows-what, and you think it’s all just fun and games! They clearly did not recognize the seriousness of the situation. Clearly.

But then, later in the week, sweet victory was mine — I spotted this image in one of our photo galleries from the fair:

A white red fox that's part of the Animal Alley attraction at the Montana State Fair. TRIBUNE PHOTO/RION SANDERS

A white red fox that’s part of the Animal Alley attraction at the Montana State Fair.
TRIBUNE PHOTO/RION SANDERS

It’s the white fox! The white, red fox to be exact. Not quite sure how that works, but there’s a photo of one on Wikipedia, so it must be legit.

I gloated about this to my co-workers, forcing them to look at the photo and bragging that this proves I’m not the weird one. I took their silence and the slow, quiet steps they took as they backed away from me as a sign of agreement.

Now, I doubt this tops the Lemur-in-the-Bathroom-at-the-State-Fair incident from 2010. It’s going to take something much more bizarre, and unsanitary, to beat that. But considering I had a much shorter timeframe in which to spot these fair curiosities this go-round, I’m putting it in the “W” column.

Oh, and since you’re probably wondering, he was not wearing socks … yet.

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